This is my final post on Night Walker’s
Journey. Some of you might be thinking,
“Thank goodness! Finally, she is going
to stop bugging me with all her crazy stuff!”
Others may have only read a handful of my writings and just didn’t want
to bother or did not feel they had the time.
And then some of you may have enjoyed them and may be a little sad that
this is the final post. I expect that
all are true. For those who have enjoyed
Night Walker’s Journey, I want to thank you for your warm thoughts, energy, and
love. I want to thank you for being in
my life. My writing “career” is not
over, however. It will just take another direction. I look forward to seeing what that is. I actually did not know I liked to write
until I started this blog. I was told,
as a freshman in college, that it was probably a good thing I was in music and
not writing. It just goes to show that
you do not have to be perfect at something to enjoy it and put it out into the
universe.
Why am I closing
this chapter of my writing? I went to
bed last night, and while I was spending time in meditation and contemplation,
something became crystal clear to me. It
is this clarity, I now realize, I have been searching for since I began my journey
back in the spring of 2017. I have known
it, intellectually, but I just couldn’t make all the pieces fit. Last night, however, the puzzle came
together.
I was still
batting around ideas of what the future might have in store for me, despite
knowing that I would have to “embrace the mystery”. I was pondering over which direction I
should take and what I needed to study next.
This searching for direction has been a several decade issue for me. Even when my focus switched over to a more
spiritual and healing direction, my mind went right back to, “What am I good
at? What is my path really leading me
to? How might I organize my studies the
way I need to, to best follow this path? What am iuI supposed to be doing right
now?” You know… that control thing
again.
Then the light
came on! It all fell into place. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before or
even written it, but I finally felt its essence. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be
down ing right this very moment, and this one…Oh!…and this one. My only job is to live each day knowing that
I am living the most open and awake life I can live, and then share my gifts, lend a helping hand, and
encourage others to wake up to their own hearts. How can I do this? I must strive to be my
best self; to be a yogi, a Bodhisattva, a Spiritual Warrior. A pastor in America recently proclaimed from
the pulpit that yoga is of the devil. I
am paraphrasing, but it gets the point across.
He can’t see, due to his own perspective and misinformed views, that
there are many ways to connect with one’s Higher Power. Our interconnectedness depends on us dropping
our perspectives and walls, and it is our responsibility to allow each and every
person to find their personal path in their own way. It doesn’t matter how one gets to this point, it
just matters that they get to it! Once things start falling into place, the
idea of treating ourselves and each other with love, kindness, and forgiveness
BECOMES our purpose. This purpose
doesn’t take organizing, studying or creating websites. It takes waking up every day and committing
oneself to this purpose. How we do this
does not really matter because the work is already being done if we are
committed. Anything we do beyond this
purpose will simply add flavor and depth.
I will continue to write, paint, sculpt, play music, do
yoga, teach meditation, study spiritual and healing paths, do drum circles and be in nature, and I hope to learn some new things as I grow. These are only tools, however. They are a means to an end. They make life interesting and they keep me
focused. They are not a job, or a hobby,
or a vocation. They are the tools I have
been given to share my spirit…my best self.
We have all been given tools.
That is why our lives look different on the outside, but our true jobs
are all the same…to realize we are all connected and to open up to each other
in divine love. People everywhere want
peace, but at the same time, these same people put up their walls of fear each
day, look at others with a judging and critical eye, and treat themselves
pretty badly as well. Then they wonder
why there are so many problems in the world. No one is exempt. We all do it!
We are simple, earthly humans who are stuck in patterns. But knowing this now, that my true job, my
path, and my purpose has been going on for a long time each and every moment,
helps to break through this illusion of control. It simply doesn’t matter what I do for a
living, or what my house looks like, or how I spend my time, as long as each
day is filled sharing my love and spirit with myself, another human being, an animal,
the natural world, an unseen spirit…or most of all, my Creator. Our culture is so focused and wrapped up in
the idea of success and getting ahead and being right, it is hard to have
clarity. It has taken a lot of work and
time to finally pull away some of my layers and finally realize…IT DOES NOT
MATTER! I could clean toilets for the
rest of my life and continue to follow this noble path. Right now, that is pretty close to how my
life is anyway. And I like it!
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| Twisted Cedars |
I am still going to sit, as a wolf, in my “dark cabin” for a bit. It is foggy, snowy, and cold. My house is still open to the elements and the snow is blowing in, but I have faith that it will be finished before the winter is done. And if that changes, that will be OK, too. I know, however, that I am no longer sitting and waiting to see what is around the corner with impatience and searching. I am right where I need to be… right now. I am on the trail, and it is a glorious trail.
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| A Winter Morning |
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| Preparing to do long distance drumming and meditation with Jude |
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| Teddy Barking at the Howling Coyotes |
I was given a
gift, after my mother died, of feeling her spirit guide me to begin following
my heart. I can honestly say that it has
been a difficult and arduous journey, but I would do it all over again in a
heartbeat. She knew that there was more
inside of me than what I was opening to.
She helped me unlock the door to these last few years of awakening. I
know there are many of you who have had similar experiences of connection after
a loved one died. Many wonderful people
have come out of nowhere to help guide me along the way, as well. You know who you are, and I am eternally
grateful. My journey is not over, and honestly, I think
this new path is actually just beginning.
It feels like I have been scrambling along a very rough and windy trail
only to come out of the trees to see that I have finally arrived at the
trailhead. Now the next journey begins. I think it is an Infinite Journey. It began before me and will continue after I
die. But here on out, in this life, I
want to use my open heart and my gifts as tools to light my way, and I hope I
can use them to light the way for others, as well.
Mom, thank you for guiding me to the trailhead of this path. I expect to have many visits with you at the
Butterfly Tree I plan to create for us. I
love you so very much. Goodbye.
P.S. Readers and friends…Please stay in touch, and share
your journeys with me. Connection with
others is everything!
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| Butterfly Tree |
Definitions:
Yogi- “The word yogi actually
embraces any serious spiritual seeker who consciously and methodically aspires
to achieve harmony, balance, and refined consciousness.”
Russill
Paul, The Yoga of Sound
Bodhisattva- “A Bodhisattva is someone with pure, impeccable
intentions- a gentle yet fearless spiritual warrior who strives unceasingly to
help everyone reach nirvanic peace and enlightenment.”
Lama
Surya Das, Awakening to the Buddha Within
Spiritual Warrior- “The term spiritual warrior is used in
Tibetan Buddhism for one who combats the universal enemy: self-ignorance, the
ultimate source of suffering according to Buddhist philosophy. A heroic being with a brave mind and ethical
impulse.
Wikipedia
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| A Good Friend |
Receiving M
Although she leans a little to the side,
this magnificent being holds itself strong from the
roots up.
Her branches radiate out from random points like
turning points in her life.
She didn’t plan these points of growth.
She didn’t make a list of things to do to make them
grow.
She simply stood strong and allowed life to happen.
Some branches have been severed and some have
naturally fallen.
Her intuition led the way, not a controlling nature.
She trusts the Universe to make her complete.
She pulses with energy at a very deep level that
says,
“I am still here, world. I cannot be forgotten because I am alive.”
Her bark, like our skin, has grown old and
weathered,
but there is a magnificent beauty in her aging.
I find myself pulled to her each and every day.
I will make an alter to her and other beings like
her
so that I may learn from her medicine.
I am grateful for her teachings.
OM
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