Starting Over Begins

        I am on Sanur Beach in Bali.  This is my last night here, and then I head to Ubud (about an hour and a half away) tomorrow around noon.  This is such a beautiful place, and it was a perfect place to land after a very long flight.  It took four planes and about 35 hours to arrive.  I feel like I succeeded in my initial goal of staying at peace and I hope that I shared some of this peace with some of those around me.  I must confess that I was not able to muster much sharing when I was getting on my last plane from Singapore to Bali.  My energy was terribly low by then, but I did keep my cool and stayed patient.  I even played a little harmonica with my Balanese driver when he found out I liked the Blues and pulled out his guitar at a stoplight.  I knew I was doing OK at this point.
     My favorite time of being here in the last couple of days has been the sunrises and breakfasts.  I like to try new foods, so I experimented with a lot of foods that were pretty and colorful, but I must confess, I did not know what some of them were.  I think trying foods that are part of the culture is imperative to understanding a new place.  Anyway, being free to do exactly what I want has been the order of both days, and that certainly included a lot of resting, walking on the beach, laughing with pushy sales stall ladies (and yes, I bought some things because I am a pushover!!!!), and getting back into a little yoga and meditation each day.

    Today,  I felt strange as the day wore on, and I have been contemplating it all afternoon.  If you have been reading consistently, you will see a pattern that once I start feeling something other than open contentment,  I know something is brewing.  It finally hit me this evening, after bopping around from one thing to another and finally resting on a silly Goldie Hawn movie with Indonesian subtitles, what has been brewing.  Tomorrow is really the beginning of starting over.
     I met the other students in the program today.  There are only eight of us, but they are all young, smart, percussion students who are either working on their masters degrees or who have just graduated.  They are super nice.  One is from America and the others are Taiwanese who were studying in America and recently gone back to Taiwan.  Now, I know I am a professional musician and have dabbled in percussion, but being almost 55 years old and new to world drumming at this level, my insecurities started inching in.  I will be OK for sure, so I am not looking for anyone to make me feel better.  It is just part of my nature to be a bit uncomfortable in this situation since I have been the teacher for 35 years.  I like learning new things, but being the novice in a group of young talented 20 somethings works on my ego a bit.  Then it started dawning on me that I am a beginner at everything I am doing, whether it be traveling alone, starting new relationships, becoming a gypsy not a homeowner, or beginning over in my vocational and job ideas.  There is not one thing that I am doing that I could say I feel like I have a really good handle on.
     So far, I have been sort of letting myself rest and explore my inner self, but tomorrow I start a real exploration and training in outer things as well.  Learning things that might very well lead to other opportunities.  It is the beginning of new commitments and directions.  Some of you might not see the importance of this, but if you stop to think about changing everything in your life ...right now, and  trust the Universe to take you in directions that you don't have control of, and you say yes...it is a big freaking deal.  I know this world music program is about fun, but for me, it is also about saying yes to something and doing it...hopefully well and seeing where life goes from there.  It is about starting over, not THINKING about starting over. It is action taking place.  I now see why I have been uneasy, but at the same time, it is time to take action and JUST DO IT, insecurities and all.  Like that first time you jump off the diving board...here goes...1, 2, 3, JUMP!!!!