I have been in Ubud for a week and a half. It is a bustling town where there seems to be as many tourists as locals, but there are a lot of interesting things to see and places to eat. The program I am in is right in the center of town, and our lives have been centered in about one mile radius of the hotel. We have hardly venture further than this, so I hope to see more of Bali when the program is over. The people around us are friendly, and I have tried to get to know a few of them by name. I am happy to say that several have friended me on Facebook already, and one particularly sweet man, Wayan, who works at the hotel where the program is held, Face Booked me my first birthday greeting this morning.
I have seen a couple of wonderful shows in the area. What I love most is how the Balinese incorporate their spirituality into every single day of their lives. I want to know more about these rituals and their history because of this. The shows we see are for the tourists but they are examples of what they do in their own temples. It is fascinating. I want to come back and just get to know these people. They have a very rich history and a loving community spirit. I also am so impressed with their religious tolerance here. It is not denomination tolerance; it is true religious tolerance. There are Hindus, Muslims, Buddhist, Animists, and Christians, and folks, they all live together well on this island. We have some things to learn.
So, you might be wondering about the title of this entry, "Square Pegs in Round Holes". Society likes everyone to be a round peg in a round hole, but yesterday I was thinking how I have felt like a "square peg" all my life, and I feel very fortunate to know a lot of people who feel the same. Why the world has structured its societies to not deal with people like us, is a mystery to me. Most "square pegs" are some of the most interesting and creative people on this planet. Well, back to the program...I found myself, this week, facing a lot of those same frustrations, fears, and feelings of not being understood, as I did early on in my life, particularly at the college and graduate school level, but also in high school and middle school. It took me years to realize I was smarter than those bubble tests showed and that I could catch on if things were explained in a way that worked with my brain. I also need time to assimilate information...visualize it and play with it. Thank goodness I have been a teacher for so long and know how I think.
I have really tried to do this program the way it was set up, but at some point, due to various issues, I lost my confidence and just shut down. I thought, "Maybe I am just being difficult, and my strong western woman side is just trying to control things. I think I started trying to control things that I couldn't do anything about, but at one point I came to the conclusion that I know what I need, I know which instruments and teachers I can work with, and I know what I can handle in terms of the kind of teaching and information I am getting. So, I woke up the next morning and did the things I needed to do to take care of myself, and I talked with some of the other teachers and told them my concerns. These two teachers, Andy and Jamal, are so very helpful as is one of the students in the group, A.J. I am so grateful that these people are here and understand square pegs and are willing to not put me in a round hole. I know that I have been both kinds of teacher at times, and I am making a universal apology to all the students I tried to fit into that round hole. The longer I taught, the more I realized how important this idea is when approaching each student. I think I finally got it about the time I decided to quit teaching. Isn't that the way it works? I guess it is time to use this awareness in new ways, now.
Jamal
Andy
A.JI have come so far in opening my heart and my head to where the universe is guiding me. I still have no idea where that path is leading, but I do know that it is not down a round hole. At the same time, we all need a support group. That is a basic human need. It is very clear at my age now, that what one person thinks I should be doing is not always the best thing for me at the time, and that is OK. I hope that all of us have a little "square peg" in us, and if we have more than our fair share, that we embrace it and let it have glitter and sequins on in. I am still working on decorating my "square peg", but I eventually want mine to not only have glitter and sequins, but to also shine with diamonds. I better keep working!
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