Coming Down From a High

     Having just come down to about 5000 feet elevation in New Mexico from 9600 feet elevation when I took this peak climb on my last day in Colorado, I have had some time to reflect
on this first 7 weeks of my journey.  I wish I were more poetic in my writing so I could represent
the serenity I have felt being in the beauty of the nature around me. In my last two days, I took 3 gorgeous hikes, took a mountain drive, and visited the Colorado Wolf and Rescue Center.  
     Each hike had it's own flavor in terms of length, terrain, and spiritual moments.  Luckily, Colorado protects it's wildlife much better than many states, and I was able to "be" with the animals as opposed to feeling frightened or separate from them.  My favorite encounter was on my longest hike.
I was climbing a long, winding path, and all of a sudden, a red fox, about the size of a small coyote,
rounded the corner.  We were both startled ever so slightly and then continued our walk tentatively but not in a frightened way.  The fox looked sidewise at me and I at him, and we each swayed a bit to our right sides to create a wider berth. At that point, we were about six feet from each other.  We kept looking at each other from time to time as we passed.  My first thought was that I must get a photo, but as I looked back and realized he had proceeded to trot slowly on without fear of me, I realized that we were equals.  This was not a time for a photo.  I did not want to steal his spirit, and I truly felt that it would be wrong to do this.  About ten paces further down the path, I found a tuft from his tail, and felt that he had given me a gift. 
Hike Number 1

Hike Number 2

After my second hike, I took a beautiful drive for awhile, and stopped at Cripple Creek for a cold and wonderfully satisfying ice cream cone, but with only a little time left before my reservation at the wolf center, I hurried back through the mountains with delight.  This was initially going to  be my first stop on my voyage, but due to snow and high elevation with my camper, I saved it until the last couple of days.  It was a perfect way to end this time.  I had already learned a good bit about the plight of the wolf in America, and this was a wonderful way to cap it off.  The staff people were incredibly passionate and educational, and getting a chance to see wolves being fed was very special.  These are magnificent animals and are, as the fox, our equals and deserve to live on this planet.  Not only that, if they are completely gone due to thoughtless killing  and misunderstanding, our country will suffer an imbalance.   It already is.

       I am in New Mexico, hanging with my friend Jude in Albuqurque, a new friend in Taos, and Lauryn in Santa Fe.  A nice triangle of friendship.  I will also see a friend who will be driving into Albuquerque next Thursday evening, and will have dinner with her and her friends.  A nice week of reconnecting.  I will then head for Texas to stay with my Dad for a few days and prepare for the next part of my voyage.  I will be studying world drumming for a month in Bali and then stay around for an extra ten days to hopefully do some volunteer work of some kind. 
     Where am I emotionally and spiritually?  What have I learned?  I have learned that the natural world is something magnificent to appreciate, respect, and be part of...not to stand on the side and observe.  I have learned that solitude is a wonderful experience that must be a part of our lives so that we can take the time to be still.  I have learned that to be still allows me to empty my mind, which in turn, fills me up with something so beautiful that it is sometimes indescribable.  Something that we can never feel when we are busy "doing" all the time.
     Do I know what my future plans are after Bali?  I have absolutely no idea, but I also feel that these decisions  will come with more
solitude, more experiences, and more quiet listening to something greater than myself....my
intuition, a spirit greater than me, the universe.  Everyone has their own version of what this is. 
I am OK with not knowing.  One of the tattoos on my left arm is a haiku I wrote a year ago...

     Night travelers walk
     Beneath the pure white full
       moon
     Embracing mystery

My most recent tattoo is taken from the introduction to "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes...

     No matter where we are, the shadow that trots behind us is definitely four-footed.

Hike Number 3- Final Morning in Colorado

I will hopefully be blogging from Bali.  I hope to be able to continue this journey with you.

Thank you for all your support and love thus far.  Namaste.

   

Renewal and Strengthening

    

Hiking at Garden of the Gods

     A lot has happened since I last wrote.  After Escalante, I backtracked down to Flagstaff, then headed to Albuquerque for a short visit with my friend, Jude, and to drop my camper off for some repairs at a local RV shop. I was a bit rough on it in Utah!  On my way to Colorado, I dropped Teddy off with my friend, Lauryn, and then headed straight to Colorado Springs, despite threatening clouds and snow storms last Thursday. 
      I have been visiting with a new friend, Dale, and her family in Colorado Springs for about four days.  I was treated like a queen with a wonderfully comfortable bed and master bathroom (a luxury after 6 weeks of camping), great food, and exceptional conversation.  This conversation is what brought us together because when we are together, it is impossible to have any small talk. We talked for hours every single day, up until minutes before I left, about life, life histories, viewpoints about almost everything, art, spirituality, music...you name it, we talked about it.  It was a true honor to be a part of this family for a few days.  Dale and I even managed to get a couple of great hikes in around the Garden of the Gods trail system.  If you haven't been, check it out next time you are in the area.  It is a gem.  Nothing like I have ever seen before in the middle of a city!

      After a delightful visit and introduction to Colorado Springs,
I drove up to Mueller State Park.  Now, this isn't a long drive at all,
but the elevation increases exponentially.  I headed up toward Pikes Peak and through the surrounding mountains.  Gorgeous climb.  I am now at about 9300-9500 foot elevation.  I feel it too.  Breathing is a challenge!
     I took a short two mile hike last night and was faced with Colorado beauty and wildlife in a big way right from the start.  I saw animal tracks everywhere and of all kinds.  I saw bear and deer scat, and as I was hiking, a snow storm came barreling through.  As I was preparing camp, about 8-10 deer grazed around my campground.  It started to snow, lightly at first, and then it just kept coming until about 3 in the morning.  I had just bought a lightweight backpacking tent, so winter camping was not in the cards.  I decided to go for it, though, and test myself.  I am not sure why, but I have had this feeling in the last few weeks that I need to get stronger and deal with what comes.  Well, it came.  I did not sleep but about 2 hours at the most, but I stayed pretty warm by layering, and layering, and layering.  A nearby camper had given me some toe and hand warmers for which I am so thankful. I was only frightened a very little bit when I heard a big thud at about 1 in the morning.  Bears are coming out of hibernation, so who knows.  I did buy bear spray and had read through the directions before I got settled in. The temperature got down to 25 degrees F. and with the precipitation, it was more like 16 degrees according to the weather app.
    
At around 4 AM, I was wondering why an almost 55 year old woman was lying on a hard ground trying to keep warm and sane in this little summery tent in 25 degree weather at 9500 feet elevation with wild animals around.  Most sane people my age would have opted for a comfortable hotel room. right?

     When I finally sat up to decide to get up and moving, I read from my morning reading.  Basically, it said that if we allow time to run it's course, difficult issues will eventually subside as long as we have our hearts and minds in the right place, spiritually.  What a gift that was after a long night.  As soon as I finished reading this, I opened my tent flap to a most glorious sunrise through the snow covered trees.  Another gift to be sure.  I think I will take a nap now and then go for a long wonderful hike afterward.  Here's to a new day!  Namaste...

Coming Home

    

    

     I knew when I drove into Escalante that I felt at home.  It was an overwhelming feeling, and I had not even gotten out of the car, yet.  I left today, and I still feel the same way.  I am in Flagstaff and about to head east, but it was hard to leave this morning.  I even had a tire blow out, the winds were against me the whole time, and I almost ran out of gas as I got close to Flagstaff.  The gods must have been trying to tell me something. 

     But what does 'coming home" really mean?  Why did I feel this way?  I am not entirely sure, but what I do know is that I felt completely comfortable the whole time I was there.  I felt at ease, healthy, capable of meeting people and having great conversations easily, and the land spoke to me at a deep level. 

     The last couple of days, I went on two lovely hikes that were very different from each other.  The first one was quite a popular hike called "Calf Creek Falls".  It meandered along a creek, sometimes low so that Teddy could have a break from the dry heat, and sometimes high above the water so that we sometimes forgot that water was even around.  But right before the end, I could hear the falls, and what a delight it was to come out on a lovely lagoon and gorgeous water fall.  I quickly cooled my feet in the icy cold water.   Definitely worth the six mile round trip ticket. 

     The funniest thing happened on the way back.  I saw a young teenage boy coming my way.  I said, "Koebe?", and he stepped back a little scared, and said, "yes?"  I had taught him piano for several years in McKinney until they moved to Salt Lake City.  His parents and friends soon caught up with us and we were beside ourselves with excitement and surprise. We had not seen each other in about three years.  What a small world it really is....

After the hike, I went to a nearby town to get some food and then drove up to the mountains to find an overlook.  I was going to take myself out to a restaurant, but when you have views like these, there is simply no point.  It doesn't matter what you eat.  It just tastes wonderful with good exercise and beautiful nature in front of you. 

That evening, I went to a community gathering of people who had been involved in the recent efforts to talk to Zinke and other federal officials from Washington about saving the monument from  destruction and border realignment.  I will tell you, these are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, and they are highly passionate and intelligent.  They simply want to have a voice in what happens to their "home".  Needless to say, the feds did not listen to what the people had to say, and instead, slipped out the back door (literally). They made that trip to Utah but  would not talk to anyone who really lived there to find out what they felt and thought.  What impressed me, however, was the smiles that the local people had at the gathering, the community spirit, and the don't stop attitude.  I wish them the very best, and if I find myself back there, I will be right next to them in their efforts. Washington simply doesn't care, so we, as citizens of this planet,  have to stand up for what is right. 

Calf Creek Falls

The next morning, Mother's Day, two people with whom I had spent some time visiting a few days earlier, were driving past my campsite and stopped to see if I wanted to hike with them.  They are both local artists, and are both very talented and interesting to be with.  I was absolutely delighted, so off we went on an off trails hike that I would never have  experienced on my own.  Reiser, a painter and sculptor, took the lead, and quietly led us up and around  a beautiful plateau and to the edge of Spencer Canyon while Brigitte, a potter and sculptor, and I visited about life, art, and music, interspersed with quiet contemplation.  Eventually, the three of us and Teddy stopped for a breather and a snack on a gorgeous overlook.  It was simply breathtaking, and what a joy it was to share this time with two lovely people whom I had just befriended a few days earlier!
     So..."coming home"...it could mean many things, but for right now, what it means is that I found a place in my soul where I felt comfortable being me, Toni.  I discovered some things about myself, such as my need for solitude, for deep contemplation and prayer, for nature, for strenuous use of my body that allows me to see the world around me, and for connections with interesting and passionate people.  Again, as I talked about in my previous entry, that healthy balance is crucial.  I leave this area with a much better sense of how I want to make decisions about my life as I go forward.  We have to be careful that we don't just "fall" into our lives.  Sometimes that cannot be helped, and we have to deal with what comes in the best way that we can, but there is also that part of ourselves, our intuitive selves, that can direct us to wonderful places and experiences in our lives.  I want to be able to "come home" to me wherever I am.  That is my new mantra. Not an easy one to live, but well worth the effort. 

Hike with Reiser and Brigitte

Connections and Solitude: a Healthy Balance

     

     A couple of entries ago, I mentioned that this next part of the journey was going to be different. It has been very different, but I am not sure that I can articulate why or how exactly. I will try, however. I am just now starting to feel this myself.

I did spend only three days in an RV park in Escalante which was actually perfect because I recharged my electricity, my phone, enjoyed a long hot bath, etc. Mostly though, I felt compelled to meet people in this town. I knew there were more like-minded people here, and I wanted to connect. By the second day here, I had met a primitive- pottery artist and her husband, a sculpted furniture maker, a hiking guide, a painter, a natural grocery store owner, 4 boys and a councilor from a nearby at-risk teens program, and I managed to get a piano playing gig at an arts event in September back here in Escalante. It was all kind of crazy. I even went to a drive in movie and watched a Clint Eastwood movie from the seat of a 1961 Rambler.

Through some connections, however, I moved my camper to a spot about 15 miles away

up on the rim of the monument. I have had the whole place to myself for the most part and have felt

completely safe in the peace and quiet. The views have been outstanding. Wednesday was a rainy day most the day, and it was absolutely incredible to read, meditate, and just be in my camper during the rain. The evening sky turned out to be the highlight of the day, however. The clouds, the color changes, a rainbow coming vertically down toward the desert, and eventually a full moon which started coming up when it was still daylight and shown like a lighthouse beacon once the sky darkened. The silence was brilliant... with occasional brushes of wind through the canyon. I had decided the day before not to move my camper until I was ready to backtrack my way to Arizona and then to New Mexico. Continuing east was going to be too hard on my truck with the ups and downs of highway 12. That's OK. I found my place, and I was OK to stay.

New Campsite

 Full Moon, Incredible

Yesterday, I went on my first guided hike with a wonderful owner and guide of Utah Canyon Outdoors store, Catie, and a delightfully funny woman from Ohio, Amy. I can honestly say that it was the best hike I have ever been on. It was totally off-trail, and Catie knew so much about the geological history and flora and fauna of the area. It was not textbook though; more just discoveries and conversations about what we were seeing mixed in with talks about politics concerning the monument, life stories, and a lot of laughter. The three of us got on marvelously, and Amy and I were both challenged in a way that perfectly suited us. Catie made us feel that we were in completely capable hands, yet we had to push our fear factor just enough to make it a lot more fun than just following a trail. I am inserting many more photographs than usual because the beauty I have been surrounded by has been unsurpassed I am in love with this place. ( I'll post the photos of my hike at the end.)

      So....going back to my opening statement about how it has become different...

I have learned to meet people easily, and I have genuinely been interested in getting to know them and vice-versa. Trusting people is getting easier and easier. With that said, however, I have been getting to know myself and realize that I need solitude...a lot of it, and I need nature. These two things feed me unlike food ever could. It is part of who I am, When one lives in a city all their life, it is hard to take the time to realize how important silence and natural beauty are to one's psyche. This idea of silence and nature get us to our core as opposed to circling around the periphery. I have realized, today in fact, that when I am tense or not feeling myself, that is the time to go back to my camper, be with myself and my spiritual core, feel nature as opposed to look at it, and just get grounded. Knowing that this is what I need at a very deep level, yet getting better at feeling comfortable with meeting strangers and genuinely enjoying getting to know them, is a wonderful balance of my spirit.

Does this mean that everyone needs to live out in the middle of the wilderness like I have been these last six weeks? Heavens no. But, I do think there is something to be said for a good deal of quiet contemplation; time just to allow one's psyche to reconfigure and one's heart to rest. A friend of mine said that reconfiguring “is an inside job”. She is absolutely right, and I also think that it is a balance of connections with caring human beings and opportunities to be in solitude that can make this "inside job" work. City parks, gardens, houseplants, pets, patios, and yes grand monuments are so important to remind us that the planet's beauty and quiet can take care of us in extraordinary ways if we take care of it.