3rd Anniversary

 It's so strange to be writing this post in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic and all the complications surrounding it.  The situation we are in now is probably one of the greatest and most difficult lessons we will ever be given in our lives.  It is as if all the lessons I have had in the last several years have led up to this.  As extraordinary as this global situation is, I am not at all surprised that it is happening.  If there is one thing that I have learned since I was turned upside down and shaken into this new life, it is that death and uncertainty are two dependable friends.  These are two friends that most of us try to avoid at all costs.  But if we were to be truthful, we all know that they are constant companions. We have a choice. We either hide them in the closet for a later day or we bring them out to party.  Well, we are in a paaaaartay now, so we might as well get up-close-and-personal with these two friends because they are not going away.  And here's the real secret...they were ALWAYS here, kindly waiting for us to acknowledge them.
     So, here I am...It's three years later after leaving McKinney, Texas on April 3, 2017 in my camper, Night Walker.  I traveled the southwest in those first few months, studied a bit of drums in Bali, lived six months in my camper in the mountains east of Albuquerque, lived in downtown Albuquerque in a casita apartment with Jude, drove back and forth to Texas every month to finish teaching my high school senior piano students, camped out a bit more around the Albuquerque/Santa Fe area, helped Jude out in her year and a half stint with aggressive cancer treatments, bought land in far western New Mexico, and lived in my camper for a year on my builder's land while he and I built my house.  This past year, my Dad finally retired and moved to N.M. as well last June.  We  finished up my house and eventually were able to move in.  We still have work to do but there is not a huge rush at this point.  Jude survived her cancer, not without some complications, but we are so grateful she is alive and well now.  She and I are very much together and enjoy communicating several times daily.  I can say that this pandemic is certainly putting a damper on our regular visits together, but we are taking it in stride like everyone else.  And best of all, all these challenges over the last few years have brought us even closer together.

Outdoor Christmas Tree

On the Land

Dad's Butterfly Tree

Home at Sunrise

     It has and still is taking great patience to allow the Universe to rebuild my life after these last several years since my mother died.  I could never in my wildest dreams have thought that a single incident, like her death six years ago, would commence such a trajectory.  My visions of my life's purpose have been becoming stronger in the last year, and seem to be growing even more so as we experience this recent crisis.  I have gotten glimpses, all along the way,of leading a life that involves spirit and healing, and I have suspected that this would become very important in whatever unfolds.
     Lately, I have been made so aware of the absence of ceremony, ritual, and healing in the transitions of our lives.  Isn't it extraordinary that in the process of becoming "civilized", our ancestors almost obliterated the rites and passages that help humans transition during our most important and difficult times.  This leaves us with a feeling of loneliness and confusion in terms of how to move forward in each new phase.  We certainly have nods to these past rites but they usually are a shallow representation of what they used to be, and some just no longer exist. I have either observed or have been a participant in so many experiences that needed true tenderness.  I see how uncomfortable I have felt in these transitions with myself and with others.  Maybe it is because of this discomfort that I find myself leaning into them now.  They still make me a little uncomfortable, but I notice that I am becoming more resilient in the face of them, and I recognize even more so, the need for ceremony, compassion, caring words, prayers, and so much more during these times.  It is in times such as coming of age when we need to understand what is happening to our bodies and minds and what it really means to grow up.  It is in the months after giving birth that we need connection and a feeling that we are still an autonomous person and learn about self care. It is in our middle ages when many  are waking up to bigger realizations about life and need to feel grounded simply in order to grow and let go.  It is in illness when we need people to understand our needs and how to simply be there in a quiet way.  It is in aging when we need people to lean into us and not expect more than we can give and accept our bodies as they change into older skin.  It is in death when we need to be held and comforted and have a loved one simply "be" with us.  It is in all these times when we need to create ceremony, to pray, and to have gratitude and acceptance.  It is in these times that we must walk alone but not be lonely simply because others feel too uncomfortable with our otherness.  This is a path that I feel drawn to.

Medicine Mask: "Dancing Away the Mask of Shame"

"Rising Up From the Green"

Jude Collecting for Thanksgiving Totem

Preparing to decorate the Christmas Tree

Shamans Drumming for Health (Pandemic)

Ceremony for Tree Spirit Mask #1

Tree Spirit Mask in Jude's Cedar

     Today on my walk, I had some strong words with my Creator. I am overloaded with virtual connecting, so I went needing to feel the wind on my skin and hear the birds in my ears.  I needed to be able to listen to spirit again.  I walked and I talked out loud.  Most of you would have thought me to be some insane mountain woman. You know, people all over the world are praying for peace, for the pandemic to be cured, for more masks, for sanity in the world, and whatever else we most certainly need.  But, despite all those needs and cares, I experienced the most beautiful answer today.  We have an opportunity to change our lives so completely.  It really doesn't matter what we do;  it matters that we do it with an open heart and for the greater good of all beings.  So what I am realizing is that when I play music, or paint,  lead a meditation, or do a ceremony in the forest, I walk into this experience as a spiritual being dropping all ego.  Through this way of walking in the world, we heal, we touch, we help, and we grow.  This doesn't have to stop with our special talents or gifts.  It can include everything we do from the time we wake up to the time we fall asleep.  But mostly, I ask each and everyone of us that we all pay attention to our needs and the needs of those around us.  We are headed into a mountain of difficult transitions.  Perhaps if we all recognize the need for more ceremony and tenderness during these times, we might all find our deeper purpose.  Let us all lean into these uncomfortable moments as opposed to turning away.  Let us make the little things that we offer ourselves and all beings a gift from our hearts for the greater good of all.  Let us lean into these uncomfortable times and give them true meaning and acceptance.

Buddha in the Mist

Early Morning Coffee

Three Elk on the Land