Getting REAL, Despite the Cobwebs

     As my four seniors in high school prepare for their senior piano recitals in a couple of months and I wind down my piano teaching career for good, I am preparing for my next stage in life.  Don’t get me wrong…I have been living a very real life these last eleven months, and an enormous amount of preparation has been taking place already.  Maybe it doesn’t seem “real” to the outside observer, but you don’t get much more real than living in the mountains in a camper trying to understanding your place in this crazy world.  It is just a very different way to live.  It has been hands on physical experience as well as mental, spiritual, and emotional preparation.  Most of all, though, I have had time to allow things to happen as they need to and not follow some arbitrary schedule that seems so terribly important to most of us. That “allowing” has been one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn, and you know what?  It really works!  The other crazy lesson I have learned is that letting go of control has no end point.  It must happen for things to play out organically.    

With my second cousin, Alex, at her baby shower

Driving back from TX to NM from the shower

west Texas

     At this point, however, I have allowed things to flow the best I can. I have waited, and I have grown, but now, I am starting to make a lot of big decisions.  They seem to all be coming at once.    The hardest part of this is continuing to trust that this path is still playing out in its own beautiful way, and I need to continue to allow it to flow naturally. However, once humans start making decisions, we get into our heads, and it might as well be a mess of cobwebs up there rather than an evolved mind.  The trick now is to stay in my heart, re-center when the cobwebs start to grow, and bring that open heart to each decision as they come.  That is tricky business, right?  For me it is, anyway. 

     I still cannot tell you what my income situation will be, but I can tell you that I am preparing to use  community drumming, sound,  and Health Rhythms  in service work, I want to take my meditation and spirituality to a deeper level, and I am actually starting to make my art a bigger part of my life.  How all of this will join together to create a cohesive plan has yet to be seen, but as long as I stay in my heart and out of my head, I trust that it will all make itself clear when it is time.  I have a LOT of new skills to learn at this point, anyway, so I am not in a huge hurry.  For those who know me as a pianist, please don’t worry that the piano is going to go by the wayside.  I adore playing the piano, and honestly, I cannot wait to enjoy playing, simply for the sake of exploring “me” on that instrument. 

Artwork I made inspired by the Women's March
"Trapped in His-story"
(It is now in a show in Illinois)

"Rio Abajo Rio" tattoo

     In terms of my living situation, I will not live in my camper forever.  I have plans for eventually living as simply as I can and as close to the land as I can.  I have found a small, yet diverse, community in which I hope to become a part of.  I really don’t want to make a lot of money because I want to dedicate as much of my time as I can to helping people in whatever way seems appropriate and needed, as well as to developing my art.  A lot of my time at this point will be in setting up a situation in which I can make this happen.  I have no idea how to do this, so I am spending a lot of time in the “cobwebs” and then re-centering over and over again.  And yes, there is fear, but not nearly as much as I would have had eleven months ago.  I know that I will be OK.  I just know it at a deep level, and when the fear bubbles up, I pray, I sit, I read, I cry, and I “allow”.  The fears eventually go away, and then life feels beautiful again.  I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity, and I am not going to start taking the reins now.  I would ruin it for sure. 

My camper in the snow.  My Home

Rainbow seen from where I live

Western New Mexico, Sandstone Bluffs

Western New Mexico, Sandstone Bluffs