Absence of Fear

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  What a title, right?...  "Absence of Fear".  Well, for me it is an incredible title because it finally happened.  How many Americans can say that?  I say Americans because I think our culture feeds on fear, and frankly, I'm done with it.  Will it creep back in?  Of course;  I am human and I have to come back to that culture.  Do I have to stay in fear for long?...Not on your life!
     This last week, I have been on Gili Air Island, mostly, off the coast of Lombok.  I also spent a full day on Lombok as well.  It is a beautiful place, and I am so happy that a friend encouraged me to go.  It is not a part of Bali.  In fact it feels very different than Bali.  They speak a completely different language, the people look and act somewhat differently, and it is a mostly a Muslim culture where Bali is mostly Hindu. Gili Air is quaint, and no cars or gas powered motorbikes are allowed.  Workers
drive pony pulled carts to deliver food, building supplies, people, etc... There are occasional electric
scooters, bicycles, but mostly pedestrians.  I wish I could have gone there about ten to twenty years ago.  The beaches are all bars and restaurants for tourists now, and most homes are home stays for the tourists to chill, but it still has a charming feel and there are plenty of quiet places on the beach if you get away from the beachside lounges.  My home stay host was lovely, and spent most his days whittling bamboo kites for the neighborhood kids to kite fight with.  I felt calm the minute I got there, and that was after I packed my bags in Uluwatu, took a taxi two hours in south Bali traffic, waited for the boat which seemed to never come, all the time being surrounded by sales ladies wanting to sell me something at every turn, and a crowded hour and a half fast boat ride to the island.  Once there, I was dropped off the boat with no idea of where to go or how to find my home stay. People here in the transport business do not explain anything, to be perfectly honest. But you know what?...I got where I needed to go, found where I was staying, and it all worked out the way it was going to work out...just perfectly. I went immediately to the beach to sit, and I realized that I had no back pain and no worries.

     It was like that from then on. I spent time doing whatever I felt like doing.  It was lovely to be on my own schedule.  I walked the island border, explored the maze of neighborhoods, practiced my drums every afternoon, talked to the local artists and anyone else who felt like talking.  People here like to know where you are from and where you are going when you are walking.  I loved how I could talk and smile with most the locals.  What astounded me, however, was how the tourists would rarely look up, smile, or say hello.  I think part of that is cultural and they want to protect their privacy and yours if they are walking by, but I also think it is something that so many people all over the world have developed...a protective wall.  It was palpable, these walls. Sitting on the beach, I experienced this with almost every single tourist who walked by. They rarely  smiled nor laughed,  and they certainly did not look in my direction.  We are in Indonesia on a beautiful island!!!! There is so much to smile about.  So, my conversations were almost always with locals who don't all speak English incredibly well.  That, in itself will break down fears all on it's own.
     One afternoon, I went snorkeling.  Now I must tell you, I have always had a phobia of deep water, and my vision is pretty bad, so snorkeling can be a little frightening at times.  I don't know what happened this time, however, but I had absolutely no fear. At one point I ended up following the wrong guide in the water, but he and I found a sea turtle and I was not going to let that opportunity go by.  I was close enough to touch it.  It wasn't until I came out of the water and heard only German being spoken all around me that I realized my boat was far away, and they were all in the boat calling for me.  I swam to meet them and was not in the least worried, but instead exhilarated from the experience.  Our next spot in the water, I swam around some coral reef totally enjoying the colorful fish.  I dove down to see them closer.  At one point, the ocean floor dropped several hundred feet and turned dark blue.  That's where the boat was, in that deep area.  I was astounded that I had no fear.  To realize that lack of fear, while in that ocean was wonderful.

     A couple of days later, I went with a young guide on a motorbike tour all over Lombok, a much bigger island.  My arranged guide changed his mind about going, five minutes before we left, and I found myself hopping on a local boat with a young man I had never met, to get to Lombok. Then I hopped on the back of a motorbike with him and travelled all day around the island. We saw waterfalls, had lunch together, and his cousin even joined us halfway through. We saw a historic bamboo mosque, he helped me buy local Susak music in the market, and we had coffee on a bamboo platform on the side of the road on the way back to the boat.  Most the time I did not know where I was going until I got there, and I had no fear.

     It wasn't until I was on the fast boat back to Bali, when I realized that I don't have to plan everything all the time.  It always changes anyway.  We think we have to have it all figured out.  We just don't. I didn't know where I would end up when I got back to Bali, nor did I know how I was going to get to where I was going once I decided.  I had a plan to take a shuttle somewhere, but eventually,  I trusted it would work out, and I could not have planned it better even if I had had Google, GPS, trip advisor, etc... all in my back pocket. In fact, I didn't even have phone service, did not know what town I was going to until I talked with a driver, and even then, I had no idea where I was going to stay.  I won't go into that story, but if you are interested, let's have coffee.  Anyway, on the boat back to Bali I realized how useless fear is, how wonderful people are if you make yourself vulnerable to them (in a healthy way), and how we really are all one and just want to make this world work together.  The walls are just getting in the damn way of allowing this to happen.  Most of us are really nice people who just want a simple life and happiness.  I for one want that, and it feels really good to know that it doesn't take much to have that.  I think it is about being open, getting rid of this fear that our culture is particularly good at fabricating, accepting everyone as one, and allowing life to happen as it is going to anyway.  I came to Bali for only one reason...to attend a world drumming program.   That took several turns along the way, and now I realize I came to this area for a multitude of reasons, and they keep coming.  So, with that said, namaste, everyone.  Let's break down some walls, OK!?