Going Home via The Middle Way

     I know I recently wrote a blog entry, and I don't usually write them so close together, but I feel that it is time to do so now, anyway.  I go home to America today, and my Bali trip is at  a close. Do I want to go home?  Well, I go back and forth, but I have some commitments I want to attend to, and I have loved ones I want to see. At first I thought I might not return to Bali since I have been here so long already and seen quite a lot, but after the last few days, I believe I will... I just feel it is in the stars.  We will see, I suppose.
     My home stay host, Made (MA-day), who is a painter, a driver, and home stay owner, told me that I had to visit the ARMA Museum in Ubud. He used to work there and said it was the best museum for art. Yesterday, things flowed smoothly, and I ended up there. I was rather tired. The day before, I had had an extraordinary day at a Hindu water temple taking the purifying baths and then trekking around the Jatiluwih rice fields. I had known I would end my trip there because on my short visit a few weeks ago, both these places beckoned to me. My driver, Wayan, accompanied me and we had a splendid 2 hour walk and a picnic of fish sate and rice with water spinach in a farmer's rest hut. The whole day was terribly meaningful, and I was exhausted at the end of that  evening and even into the next day.

    I moved back to Ubud the next day, took care of some business, and wound up at the ARMA.  I wasn't feeling particularly connected to the art, and after I walked out of the modern collection, a quiet, handsome elderly gentleman asked me to sit next to him. He was on a park bench outside of the building in the museum grounds.  He said, "Look around you. You are not seeing the art. Look at the different colors of the green, look at the moss-colored statues, there is art everywhere in Bali.  Most people do not see; I can tell by watching them.  Look how the sun comes through the trees.   Do you feel the energy?"  I nodded. I felt it strongly.  "You have to see Bali in the "golden hour".  You have to really see".  Then he showed me gorgeous photos he had taken that morning. Then he said, "Go get a cup of coffee and then just walk around the grounds and look, really take your time."
     I did just that. I walked slowly and took it in. I crossed a bridge, and saw a young man painting a landscape off by himself.  I went directly to him, and he asked me to sit and talk with him while he painted.  He looked to be in his mid 20s.  He wanted me to tell him what I thought about the Balinese people, about Bali, about what I was doing there, about music.  He just wanted me to talk.  Then he started opening up.  He talked about the "middle way", about finding common ground.  I told him my concerns about going back home and the discord I have felt.  He asked me, rhetorically, how cultures could find common ground in order to relate.  I asked him if the Balinese were as nice as they came across.  He talked to me about how they felt a need to say things or do things they did not want to say or do in order to be polite. (I know about that, coming from Texas).  He spoke of the need for honesty that starts from the feelings of the heart, which are communicated with the words we speak, and followed up by the things we do. We agreed that there must not be a disconnect in order to really connect.   That led us to talk about different perspectives, and again, how to find a "middle way".   I asked him if all the tourists bothered him in Ubud.  He said, "No, it bothers some people but not me.  I have that peace inside of me and can find it all the time."
     He met Barrack Obama when he was here a few weeks ago.  This young man said that he talked with him at length.  His friend, who worked at the museum,  had walked over at this point and confirmed that this was true.  I told him how I loved Barrack, and he said, "Yes, he is a good man, but he is just a man".  I asked this young man his name. He smiled and said, "Donald Trump"!  I said, "Don't say that; I don't like Donald Trump!"  He said, "Why not? He is just a man". I showed my disgust, and he just smiled.  Then I asked if he met Michelle, and his face lit up and he smiled broadly and said, "Now, she is a very powerful woman."  It turns out, this young man's name is Donald, and although he was teasing me earlier, I know he was trying to send a message.  Then he put up his paints and said," Let's go make music."
     So we went to an outdoor stage nearby to their full gamelan, and he proceeded to give me a private lesson on the notes of the instrument, how the parts fit together, how the sounds interconnected with each other and how the quality of tone had to match that of the spirit and nature around it.  We sat with the accompanying drum, the kendang, and he showed me the developing patterns and how they too, connect together.  He spoke about how too much of our modern music is meant to stop us from listening and creates the destruction of this triangle of unity: spirit, humans, and nature.  He taught me until almost dark and then invited me to finish the conversation with tea.  I knew that that was the Bali politeness and declined, but I walked away from there, feeling awed that these two men led me to see my own culture,and theirs, in a whole new perspective.

Gamelon Lesson Pavilion

Bridge at ARMA

     The next day, I wanted to go to the mask and shadow puppet museum in a nearby town.  My arrangements with a local motorbike driver fell through at the last minute, so I walked to find a new driver.  When I rounded the corner, I ran into Agoos, a taxi driver with whom I had had a conversation in my earlier time in Ubud and had written about in a previous blog.  He offered to take me to the museum and then to walk with me and tell me about what I was seeing.  I thought that would be a great idea.  He ended up talking about his Hindu religion, the various rituals, the deeper meaning of the puppets and masks.  He showed me how the dalang (puppeteer) would do the puppets and play the music at the same time.  He showed me the difference in carving styles between Java and Bali.  Then he spoke about Taksu, an awakened spiritual  energy.  He said that whenever you do arts, you must do it with Taksu or it means absolutely nothing and will not be beautiful.  I know what this feels like when I play music or make art in this way.  There is nothing like it.  I think Taksu is something to strive for in everything we do.
     Sometimes we get messages in our hearts concerning what we must do or where we must go.  I have gotten it through being open with people.  All of these men were speaking to me in profound ways.  I am so grateful I was there to hear them.  I am going back to America now with new perspective.  It is still an American's perspective because I am very much an American and proud to be one, but I am not proud of the direction in which America has been going.  I think that we all need to practice Taksu and find a "middle way".    What is this "middle way"?  I personally think that it is love and this unity of humans, nature, and spirit.  In fact, I have no doubt in my mind that this is it.  Please don't ask me what my next plan is.  That does not really matter.  But I will talk to you about finding this "middle way."  I am curious to go on this journey and see where it leads us.  The journey is not mine, it is ours.  I'll blog again...when this unity starts to have direction.  Hopefully sooner than later.

Absence of Fear

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  What a title, right?...  "Absence of Fear".  Well, for me it is an incredible title because it finally happened.  How many Americans can say that?  I say Americans because I think our culture feeds on fear, and frankly, I'm done with it.  Will it creep back in?  Of course;  I am human and I have to come back to that culture.  Do I have to stay in fear for long?...Not on your life!
     This last week, I have been on Gili Air Island, mostly, off the coast of Lombok.  I also spent a full day on Lombok as well.  It is a beautiful place, and I am so happy that a friend encouraged me to go.  It is not a part of Bali.  In fact it feels very different than Bali.  They speak a completely different language, the people look and act somewhat differently, and it is a mostly a Muslim culture where Bali is mostly Hindu. Gili Air is quaint, and no cars or gas powered motorbikes are allowed.  Workers
drive pony pulled carts to deliver food, building supplies, people, etc... There are occasional electric
scooters, bicycles, but mostly pedestrians.  I wish I could have gone there about ten to twenty years ago.  The beaches are all bars and restaurants for tourists now, and most homes are home stays for the tourists to chill, but it still has a charming feel and there are plenty of quiet places on the beach if you get away from the beachside lounges.  My home stay host was lovely, and spent most his days whittling bamboo kites for the neighborhood kids to kite fight with.  I felt calm the minute I got there, and that was after I packed my bags in Uluwatu, took a taxi two hours in south Bali traffic, waited for the boat which seemed to never come, all the time being surrounded by sales ladies wanting to sell me something at every turn, and a crowded hour and a half fast boat ride to the island.  Once there, I was dropped off the boat with no idea of where to go or how to find my home stay. People here in the transport business do not explain anything, to be perfectly honest. But you know what?...I got where I needed to go, found where I was staying, and it all worked out the way it was going to work out...just perfectly. I went immediately to the beach to sit, and I realized that I had no back pain and no worries.

     It was like that from then on. I spent time doing whatever I felt like doing.  It was lovely to be on my own schedule.  I walked the island border, explored the maze of neighborhoods, practiced my drums every afternoon, talked to the local artists and anyone else who felt like talking.  People here like to know where you are from and where you are going when you are walking.  I loved how I could talk and smile with most the locals.  What astounded me, however, was how the tourists would rarely look up, smile, or say hello.  I think part of that is cultural and they want to protect their privacy and yours if they are walking by, but I also think it is something that so many people all over the world have developed...a protective wall.  It was palpable, these walls. Sitting on the beach, I experienced this with almost every single tourist who walked by. They rarely  smiled nor laughed,  and they certainly did not look in my direction.  We are in Indonesia on a beautiful island!!!! There is so much to smile about.  So, my conversations were almost always with locals who don't all speak English incredibly well.  That, in itself will break down fears all on it's own.
     One afternoon, I went snorkeling.  Now I must tell you, I have always had a phobia of deep water, and my vision is pretty bad, so snorkeling can be a little frightening at times.  I don't know what happened this time, however, but I had absolutely no fear. At one point I ended up following the wrong guide in the water, but he and I found a sea turtle and I was not going to let that opportunity go by.  I was close enough to touch it.  It wasn't until I came out of the water and heard only German being spoken all around me that I realized my boat was far away, and they were all in the boat calling for me.  I swam to meet them and was not in the least worried, but instead exhilarated from the experience.  Our next spot in the water, I swam around some coral reef totally enjoying the colorful fish.  I dove down to see them closer.  At one point, the ocean floor dropped several hundred feet and turned dark blue.  That's where the boat was, in that deep area.  I was astounded that I had no fear.  To realize that lack of fear, while in that ocean was wonderful.

     A couple of days later, I went with a young guide on a motorbike tour all over Lombok, a much bigger island.  My arranged guide changed his mind about going, five minutes before we left, and I found myself hopping on a local boat with a young man I had never met, to get to Lombok. Then I hopped on the back of a motorbike with him and travelled all day around the island. We saw waterfalls, had lunch together, and his cousin even joined us halfway through. We saw a historic bamboo mosque, he helped me buy local Susak music in the market, and we had coffee on a bamboo platform on the side of the road on the way back to the boat.  Most the time I did not know where I was going until I got there, and I had no fear.

     It wasn't until I was on the fast boat back to Bali, when I realized that I don't have to plan everything all the time.  It always changes anyway.  We think we have to have it all figured out.  We just don't. I didn't know where I would end up when I got back to Bali, nor did I know how I was going to get to where I was going once I decided.  I had a plan to take a shuttle somewhere, but eventually,  I trusted it would work out, and I could not have planned it better even if I had had Google, GPS, trip advisor, etc... all in my back pocket. In fact, I didn't even have phone service, did not know what town I was going to until I talked with a driver, and even then, I had no idea where I was going to stay.  I won't go into that story, but if you are interested, let's have coffee.  Anyway, on the boat back to Bali I realized how useless fear is, how wonderful people are if you make yourself vulnerable to them (in a healthy way), and how we really are all one and just want to make this world work together.  The walls are just getting in the damn way of allowing this to happen.  Most of us are really nice people who just want a simple life and happiness.  I for one want that, and it feels really good to know that it doesn't take much to have that.  I think it is about being open, getting rid of this fear that our culture is particularly good at fabricating, accepting everyone as one, and allowing life to happen as it is going to anyway.  I came to Bali for only one reason...to attend a world drumming program.   That took several turns along the way, and now I realize I came to this area for a multitude of reasons, and they keep coming.  So, with that said, namaste, everyone.  Let's break down some walls, OK!?

Riding the Waves

   

   Water is the greatest metaphor for life.  I have used it a multitude of times for various situations.   It only makes sense that I would be contemplating water again since I am in Bali.
     I arrived in Uluwatu in hopes of getting to a quiet beach while I awaited my extended visa.  I needed to be somewhat close to the Immigration Office. The beaches are beautiful and not too terribly busy since it is the middle of the week, but I will say, peaceful is not the first adjective I would use to describe this area...particularly at night.  It reminds me of a typical university town on an average night of partying.  Anyway, I was getting irritated with all the partying outside my quaint home stay and was sharing this with a dear friend who kindly reminded me of the zen idea that may or may not be quoted exactly from the original, but it got me back in my right mind...
     "Spirituality is not about being serene while you wash the dishes.  Spirituality is washing the dishes".  Isn't this so true? Sometimes you just have to roll up your sleeves and get the job done, or in my case, deal with drunk, rowdy tourists and realize life is not all about me.  With this zen thought in my head, I walked down to the beach yesterday and found myself watching the waves.  Andy, my percussion teacher from these last few weeks, said, "Toni, the most important thing is that when you practice, focus on your practicing, when you eat, focus on eating, when you are texting, focus on texting, but don't try to go back and forth all the time or you will never become a good musician."
     So, yesterday I focused on watching waves.  I particularly watched the surfers catching waves.  I wondered how they knew which wave to catch and which ones to let go by.  Pretty soon, I knew I would be blogging again as this became a metaphor for dealing with life's rolls of frustrations, small problems, big problems, and annoyances, all interspersed with moments of serenity.  I would say that most of us in the western world are pretty spoiled when it comes to this.  We don't have a good system of triage for our problems.  Everything seems like a big problem to us, and sometimes we do go through periods when this is true.  But usually, we forget to enjoy the moments of serenity and let the smaller issues roll by, knowing that another moment of serenity will come soon if we just don't get bent out of shape about it all.  When a big one does come, that's when we grab hold with all the courage we can muster, we stand our ground and get balanced, and we ride that wave with all the tools we have.  Sometimes we face plant and sometimes we make it to shore, but at least we gave it our all, and then....another moment of serenity.

     Today, I went to the Immigration Office in Bali.  The computers were backed up so the wait was very long and all the expats were tense.  The locals looked like this was just part of life.  I sat down to wait and all I had was my phone with some old books I had read in iBooks.  I opened to a book I had started to read again a few months ago, and this was the first thing I read...
     From True Refuge by Tara Brach.  She is quoting an eighteenth-century Zen poet, Ryokan.
"To find the Buddhist law, drift east and west, come and go, entrusting yourself to the waves."
Could this be simply a coincidence  I don't care, actually.  It was what I needed to read.  I had already decided what I was going to write in my blog, and this was just sealing the envelope.
     My serenity in these last weeks of swimming in the proverbial ocean has been in meeting some wonderful young musicians in my music program, creating a relationship with an exceptional percussion teacher who gave so generously of his time and his knowledge and  has inspired me to really work hard, meeting wonderful people here in Bali who have been incredibly generous and compassionate.  I had a driver who had been driving our group a good bit during our stay who brought  me to Uluwatu the other day.  When he left, we both had tears in our eyes.  Today, my driver gave me some language lessons on the way to the immigration office, this week; a young man who works on the beach, Benny, shared his story with me about moving to Bali from Sumatra and then shared his rice and fish with me at lunch today.  These are the things that make a difference.  As we come into people's lives, we don't know what kind of impact we will be having on their lives.  It's these little things that can create a moment of serenity for someone.  I know it has for me. If we will just ride the big waves with courage and let some of them pass by letting go a bit, we will hit more moments of serenity. I
     After watching the waves, I watched people letting go.  Here is what I saw....

Moving Forward

     My music program is over as of today.   I am going to stick around Ubud for a few more days to practice and take a few lessons, but people are starting to go home now and do their own thing. I took a few detours with this program to work with my needs, but I took from it what I could, and  now I feel a great sense of relief to walk my own path, figuratively and literally. Sometimes we have to do the best we can when walking the path someone else has laid out for us, but in reality, even that is our own path.  How we deal with obstacles is truly part of our journey, and that is something I so want to learn more about.  I think, perhaps, that that was an important lesson for me these last few weeks.  Did I deal with everything the best I could?  Yes, with the tools I have at this moment, I did.  Can I get better, absolutely!  But, I know that I am a strong woman, I have gained confidence in the last few weeks and months, I have a better idea of what I am good at and what I want to get better at, and I now have more insight of how music, art, and spirituality can play a very important role in my life and service to others.
     One of the insights I have had is finally crossing the line from classically trained pianist and piano teacher to a true music and art lover and lover of people.  I think the world of highly trained classical musicians, and in some cases, all music, can pull the spirit out of a student and a teacher.  At the same time,  it can also be the most beautiful blend of high level playing and a beautiful soul. Walking that fine line and keeping it balanced is the key.  I know a good number of musicians and music teachers who are able to do this, and it is an extraordinary thing.   I got an invitation, this morning, from a good friend in McKinney who is having a house concert showcasing two musicians that balance music and soul.  I do not know where I will be, but I told her that I will be there.  To be in the same room when these musicians are playing is a slice of heaven that I do not want to miss.
     I mentioned on Facebook the other day about a music making evening I had recently.  The day of our program's final concert, I kept having wonderful experiences with people throughout the day.  I went into the shop of one man who sold Buddhas.  We sat on the floor of the shop and talked about chakras and meditation.  He started doing a little acupressure to see if I had pain and he was so tender.  Later, I was searching for a coffee shop someone had told me about.  I couldn't find it, but I found a small booth where a woman pulverized lemongrass, ginger, lime, honey and some other roots and added them to hot water.  When I told her I didn't want to pay the high price for a snack across the street in the touristy organic shop, she handed over two bags of local snacks and said I didn't have to pay for those.  They were her gift.  Our program had its final concert at the end of the day, and it was well played by the instructors and the students, and I was so glad to be there to support them and play in part of the program.  I want to say that the spirit of my fellow students are definitely heading toward this wonderful balance, and I have so enjoyed getting to know them.  I hope to one day visit Taiwan and see them again, and I know I will see A.J. And Andy again.  I feel it in my bones. The personal music making, for me, however,  was later that night at Soma, a local restaurant.  On the way there, I met another young man and we sat on the curb for 20 minutes talking about really beautiful things.  When I got to the restaurant, I was dying to play the keyboard along with some mantra music this guitarist and hand drummer were doing.  They were open to me joining in, and my fingers were so happy to be moving across the keyboard.  I wasn't even phased at playing a couple of pop tunes by ear and working them out as I went.  By the end, we had keyboard, bass, guitar and vocals, a backup singer, and a djembe player.  When we finished up with "Imagine",  about 5 other people joined in singing, and I was asked to take a solo on keyboard, as well. There is no video of this, and some tears were shed.  I don't need a video to remember how much that music meant to all of us that night.  Some of us were trained and some self taught.  What happened was communication, emotion, and unity.  A wonderful combination.  That is how I want to continue using my music, and maybe, one day, my art as well.  I think that touching the soul and letting people follow their path and simply use music and art, or whatever the interest is, as a vehicle, is the key.  We get so caught up in "the right" way to do things.  There is merit in that, for sure, and my personal goal is to work on technique and facility but to blend that with listening to the needs of others and drawing from a deeper place when I am playing music, making art, and working with others.  I think this could apply to every job out there.  I see it in the people here in Bali.  Daily spirituality (not necessarily the once a week trip to temple) comes above all else.  It is part of everyday living.  Maybe that is why they are so calm and friendly.  Could just be the answer for us westerners.
     On Tuesday, I head to The Unesco World Heritage Sight of the rice fields up north a bit.  We went yesterday, but did not get to stay but just a few minutes.  It is very rural, and if you are interested in why it is a world heritage sight, look up the Unesco website.  It is a beautiful thing organized by the Subak System called Tri Hita Karana, a philosophy that promotes the harmonious relationship between the realms of the spirit, the human world, and nature.  It is really worth reading about.  Http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/1194. I am just going to take a taxi there and hope to find a place to stay.  I will practice, read, walk the rice fields, and meditate.  It is time to move forward.