I returned from
moving my camper out to the land yesterday.
It was a really important weekend…powerful, actually. On the way out there and a couple of times
while there, I found myself on the verge of being taken over by that familiar
friend, fear. I had fear of having spent
a good chunk of my money, of wondering how I can develop my ideas and skills in
order to make my own way there, of the incredible dryness due to the drought,
becoming adept at country living after a lifetime of city dwelling, but mostly,
I had a fear of having jumped into the abyss of the unknown.
I was happy that
Jude joined me on this camper move because we ended up reading chapters and
stories out of the book by Thich Nhat Hanh, “The Miracle of Mindfulness”, and
having some very good insights and conversations. It hit home at every level, and although I
had read a good bit of his work before, and intellectually understood it,
something big clicked this weekend. Why
do we have so much needless fear, and why do we hold ourselves back because
of this fear? I’m not talking about the fear I might have
if I was being chased by a mountain lion (We think we heard one, BTW!). I am talking about the fear that I create about things that haven’t even
happened. We all do it…don’t kid
yourself!
These readings
made me realize that sitting on a pillow and meditating is only the first step
(you might equate this to sitting quietly in a park to contemplate) to letting go of fear and experiencing all of life. No matter how much I practice meditating, if
I don’t move true presence into my life in every way, then I will never fully
appreciate the life that I am living now.
We are individual humans who are on this earth to live for the greatest
good of everything and everyone around us. That can only be done if we are
completely present in order to love people and all of creation exactly as they are right now. Unfortunately, however, we
spend so much of our brain power attached to the future, attached to our things
and getting more of them, and attached to how we think things should be. I don’t think we are here to own ideas, places,
people, or things. Ownership and
attachment only bog us down.
I am writing this at a corner coffee shop and
looking at a salt shaker. What if we allowed ourselves to look at a salt shaker
and love it simply because it is there to enhance the flavor of my food. I don’t need to put it in my pocket and take
it home. I can just appreciate it being
there to better my taste experience. I
take only what I need, thank the earth and the miners for the salt, and then
leave it for the next patron. I
certainly don’t worry about the future of that salt shaker not do I contemplate
its past experiences. I just enjoy its
gifts.
With that being
said, I have not been able to call this new purchase, “my land.” I keep calling
it, “the land”. I have felt this way from the beginning. It isn’t mine. I paid money, yes, but it is the earth, and
although I have put a gate up because I realize that not everyone has this
philosophy, I simply can’t call it “my land.”
I feel that I am here for a short time and hope to be able to care for
it and use it for good things. It will
be there long after I leave, so I am grateful for the opportunity to get to
stay on it.
 |
| Better Than Television Anyday |
 |
| Creating Ceremony for The Land |
Every day on
videos and TV, I see politicians and people in leadership roles saying
derogatory statements about people of color, about gays, about migrants, and
almost everybody else who seem “different”.
People are only doing this because of absolute fear…stories they have
made up and probably heard for generations.
We are free in our spirit just like the dirt, water and wildlife. We are all interconnected no matter what
color, background or blood type we have.
We can be free from all mental fear
if we just stay completely present on what is happening at this very moment and
stop letting our minds run away with stories.
All we have to do is find appreciation, love, and respect for whomever
and whatever is right in front of us.
This idea of complete presence is so new for me because our culture is
conditioned to control our situations, own stuff, look better than the next, build bigger, etc… Can you just imagine where this world would
be if no one felt that their agenda was better than the next person’s agenda…or
if we could all look at each other with appreciation simply because we
exist? Now that would be a miracle!
While out
at the land, I lay in the back of my pick up and looked at the vast dark sky
literally filled with billions of stars.
It was beyond awesome. It made
everything make sense. We are all
important whether we are a human, a rock, a tree, or a grain of sand. We are
ALL worthy of being here, being loved, and protected. We are only small cogs in a massive and
beautiful universe who are here for only a moment. We make the mistake of centering the universe
around ourselves, and we become fear stricken if our personal solar system
doesn’t move the way we want it to. We become panicked if we don’t know what
will happen next. How much more beautiful it is to simply
surrender to the universe at large, say “yes” to the opportunity to be on this
ride, and pay attention to every moment.
If we are scared about what we might not get, we will miss what we have. There is no room for doubt once you’ve
jumped. I think it is time for me to
trust in the bigger process of the Universe…with a capital “U”.
 |
| Teddy (feeling proud) shows off the first bathroom on The Land |
 |
| Nearby Labrynth... A Perfect Walk for Contemplation |
 |
| Zuni Bread Ovens |
