A couple of
months ago, I wrote that I thought the last blog entry might be my last. We often think that all the drama of change
is the real story, but it is truly only part of the story. What do you do after the awareness, the change, and eventually, the surrender to “what is”? You have to start rebuilding, and that is not
an easy task when you have lived pretty much one way all of your life with one
way of perceiving the world!
I am living with
my friend, Jude, in a small casita apartment in Downtown Albuquerque, and
really doing quite well. I have still
not been able to buy the land in Western New Mexico, due to some glitches, but
luckily, the last couple of years have taught me a huge amount about
patience, and it will soon work out. My work now, is practicing the
gifts I have been given and going even deeper in my spirituality. I realized this morning when I woke up, that I have to admit that I am
a beginner at everything, and the only way to continue on this path is to say
exactly that each and every day. The minute I think I am on to something,
my ego swoops in to take over, and it feels terrible. Everything hurts, inside and out. I am never sure how I will be feeling when I
wake up, so it is constant work. Truly "changing your mind" is a monumental task.
What is this “path”
I am speaking about? It is a path of
total surrender to following my truth and the life and experiences that flow in the direction of that truth. I
sometimes feel completely alone, but I know I am not. I have a “knowing” that guides me, and I
continue to meet more and more people on this path as I travel forward.
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| House On Fire burns Spirits hide among boulders Remember our souls |
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| San Juan is flowing Internal and external Tingling solitude |
It is in nature that I feel truth. I wonder about this a lot. In nature, things happen in there own time; in nature, there is no greed; in nature, I see art and beauty without ego; in nature, I feel my heart and I sit in the heart of the universe. I feel that humans of all walks of life, whether it be a different color, religion (or non-religion), sexual preference, socio-economic
status, or whatever difference there might be, deserve to all sit in this honesty and truth and all sit in the same room.
We are a young
country, and we have, for the most part, had enough checks and balances and
respectable people running this incredible country in the past, that we have
all been kind of like kids….assuming that “Mom and Dad” will take care of
things. I may offend some people by
saying what I am about to say, but I don’t feel that way anymore. I would also like to say that I adore America! My travels have
made me more patriotic than you can imagine.
I think, however, at this point, with all the frightening things we are seeing in our world leadership, we are being given the
opportunity to dig down deep and really see what truly makes this planet
incredible, not just America but our planet, and shake off the fears we are being fed. We have to start running this planet the way it was meant to be run...from a place of love and caring. We cannot wait for the higher-ups to do this. It is not only time for grass roots
initiatives, it is time for an all-inclusive collective action. We can each look at the gifts we know we have
deep down inside of us. Sometimes these
gifts have been hidden for a long time and it may take a good deal of
introspection, prayer, and solitude to listen and remember them, but we all
have them. Then we must each, and I mean
all of us, look at how to use these gifts in a way that will bring more love to
the universe. Our gifts might be to
smile at the homeless with respect, or think before you yell at your children,
or pause throughout the day and send prayers and positive thoughts out into the
world, or listen to an elderly person tell about their life. They might be to
bring laughter to the world or a sense of peace to your co-workers. Only you know this answer. Whatever your gift, we have all been given the
power to help, heal, and make this world a better place.
All I can do is share my gifts in small ways to help the people around me. That's all any of us can do, but that is a lot if we all do it on a daily basis. Personally, I want a quiet, artistic life in nature, and I hope to have the chance of teaching
in some capacity and helping people through my work. I want to make enough money to cover my basic
needs and see my family. I desperately
don’t want to turn my art and my drum groups into a product. My intention is to create small art pieces, prayer
sticks, and spiritual figurines out of clay and found objects, and give them to people as gifts simply to say, "I
love you and am thinking of you". When
Jude and I were in Utah, we went to a secluded spot and I took some of my clay
figures and we smudged them, blessed them, and laid them by the bonfire for a
symbolic cleansing. I am going to make
something out of them and send them to some friends who need a little extra
care at this time. Jude is taking nature photographs as well as making smudge sticks from various sage-like
plants in these areas, and will be doing the same thing. Although we are making these for ourselves and personal friends as gifts , we would love to make these things for other people
out there who would like to bring a sense of prayer and peace into their home or the home of someone who might need a token of love and care. In Buddhism, there is a long history of
gifting which is called “dana” in Pali. A teacher will gift a spiritual lesson, and in return, the recipient offers what they can in the form of money, food, volunteer work, etc…as a thank you. It's the same as an offering in the Christian tradition. I will do this with my group drumming and meditation teachings in the future as well. My
only hope is that if you ask for a gift for yourself or for a loved one, that you will receive it, hold it,enjoy it, and think about the value it brings to you or to the person you are giving it to. If you are able, I ask for an offering as a thank you. Working with nature, clay, and found objects, I cannot guaranty what will be created...only that it will be created from inspiration. If you want to know more or ask me questions, you may call, email or
FB message me. I feel very strongly that art, music, nature, and spirituality is something that we all should have…like water and food. It should not be only for those who have
money. I am hoping that I can eventually
subsist on dana. It is a scary endeavor considering how important "price" and "getting the best deal" is in our culture. However, I feel strongly about following this path. This is my way of
saying “Yes”, I am going to do everything I can to use my gifts for love and
service. I am going to say “Yes!” to
growing up and pulling my weight. I am
saying “Yes!” to realizing that our only job on this planet is to love each
other. I am so grateful to know so many
other people on this path with me. I thank
all of you who are surrendering to their truth and for teaching me along the
way. What a gift you are.
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| Long, windy road flows Swift currents of green and red Medicine wheel heals |
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| Vastness of red rock Billowing white clouds above Raven breaks silence |
