Night Walker: September 2017

Wall Collage with Stencil, Jude Simon

About a year ago, when I decided to sell our house and quit teaching, I, at times, thought I was going crazy! I curled up in a ball one night and simply laid my head on my Dad's chest, crying, and I said just about as much. Who does this sort of thing; give up all sense of stability for the absolute unknown? Who follows a deep, internal voice that isn't telling you why you are doing things but is saying to do it anyway?
The very next day, I sold my mother's older piano and bought my camper. Little did I know, at that time, that I would be moving into it a year later and that I would be living on land owned by someone I only met for 20 minutes before we shook hands and set a move-in date? That morning, a year ago, before going out and looking at RV stores, I asked my Dad, "How I can I leave things that are so good? How can I turn away from a job in which I have been successful, to follow this unknown path? His answer was, "Imagine that this is a book. You turn the page and you see the beginning of chapter 18. Does that mean that chapters 1 through 17 are now no longer important? No, everything in chapters 1 through 17 have built up to chapter 18 so that you can take the next steps in the story. You aren't throwing away a wonderful family, a house, a job, security, etc...you are building on from there and moving forward. Everything has been working toward this moment so that you are ready for what life is going to bring you now."
My personal journey has been going on now for about two and a half to three years, and the proverbial "waves" have not stopped. Every time I return to McKinney, there is more furniture to move and more letting go that simply must happen. It seems to never end. I returned a couple of weeks ago from an amazing trip to Santa Fe to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law's 20th wedding anniversary. We had a fabulous time, and wouldn't you know it, the focus for the ceremony was on "change". It was the day before this ceremony when I got a call from a friend of a friend asking me if I wanted to go see a possible camper location on her land. I looked around her land, and within no time, we had shaken hands and decided that the best time for me to move in was September 18th. I did not even blink...I just knew... I would be moving in three weeks from that moment.

My brother Greg and my Dad

Santa Fe Sunset

Me and Greg

Dad, my sister-in-law Kristina, Greg and their guest

A wrangler from the stables and me

My nephew Lucas and sister-in-law Olivia

     When my Dad and I returned to McKinney from Santa Fe, we only had a few days to separate more items in our storage unit. My son, Austin, and his girlfriend moved to Dallas in July and had some furnishings waiting for them, we also had some things to sale, and then we had to drive the rest of the items up to Albany, New York for my daughter, Chris, and then drive on to Framingham, MA to deliver furniture to my brother's house. This was not an easy drive, but we managed to make the best of it by stopping to see one of my very closest friends, Juliet, in Columbus. Then, we spent two nights at the treehouse community that my daughter, her boyfriend, and many of their friends have built.  We also got see their new home in Albany. We then went to Framingham and visited for an evening with my sister-in-law and nephew, Kristina and Lucas, had dinner with Kristina's sister and her partner in East Hampton, MA, stopped to quickly say hi to a drummer friend of mine in Harrisburg and pick up a drum, took a simply breathtaking drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway, and ended our journey visiting my Dad's best friend in Tyler.
     It was during the drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway that I realized the symbolism of this trip. I am turning a page to start the next chapter. We had organized more stuff in order to take it to their new homes, and we personally delivered them to the tune of over 4000 miles. I was able to see that everyone was happy living their own lives, and I let go of trying to fit myself in places where I don't belong. These beautiful people, my family, are living life on their own terms and they don't need me to tell them how to live their lives or give suggestions, or expect them to be anyone other than who they are. They are perfect just as they are, and I realized that it is time to cross over and live the life I need to live now. I need to be who I am meant to be in "chapter 18", and they will all be just fine. I will always be there for each and every one of them at any time, but that deep, inner voice is still nudging me forward, even when I am in my head having to be, as my dad calls it, a "human doer" as I prepare to move to New Mexico.
     My only goals now are to learn to become a professional "human BE-ing" as opposed to a "human DO-er", to continue to follow that deep, inner voice and be of service to people, wildlife, and nature using my passions, enjoy an important relationship that has taken me to this area of the country, and just enjoy being me. It is time to slow down now and allow...to stop being in control and let the bigger universe guide me. I can't believe the changes that are about to happen, but at the same time, it all makes perfect sense. I'll see you on the other side.