The Grand Canyon: Feeling and Filling the Void

     Well, if anyone ever tells you to skip the Grand Canyon, tell them they must be crazy!!!!  As I walked up to the edge of Mather Point, I literally started weeping.  The last time I felt like that was seeing my first Leonardo Da Vinci painting at the Ufizzi Museum.  I just could not believe what my eyes were seeing.  I still can't believe the vastness and the beauty that the Grand Canyon holds.  It is indescribable.  I took many photographs, but I will only post a few here.  I have many more that I would love to share at another time. 

The interesting thing, however, was how I have felt since I have been here.  Down in the Sedona area, my body vibrated with energy, and all felt right with the world.  Here, I have been in and out of my comfortable place multiple times.  I stayed in Williams a few nights, and I just felt uncomfortable, to say the least.  Some might say it was bad spirits or karma, but for whatever reason, I needed to leave yesterday morning and set up camp just 25 miles east in Flagstaff.  I immediately felt better.  I think, also, that as beautiful, no, splendid as the Canyon is, one can only handle it for a couple of days the first time because it is almost too much to handle, particularly when I have been so open in my heart and mind. I could feel the void both externally and internally.  I was desperate to fill whatever was missing and did not know how.  I finally, in the middle of the night, meditated and prayed deeply, and decided to start getting involved with the community in Flagstaff today so that I could feel some intimacy.  I had stayed here an extra day because I had read about the Climate March in Washington D.C.  Knowing that it was very much in response to some of the possible destruction of recently protected lands, some of which I will go to tomorrow, I knew I had to do something.  Flagstaff was having a sister march today.  Teddy and I enjoyed a couple of hours hanging out in Flagstaff and then headed over to City Hall.  I was immediately drawn to a woman in charge of education for the G.C. Wolf Recovery Project and then to a group of volunteers for the  National Parks Conservation Association.  They were wonderful to talk to, and encouraged me to go see some of these lands that our administration would like to stop protecting.  Hopefully, we will all step up to the plate and do our part.  Today was a perfect example as people started gathering for the march.  I met a wonderful woman, Nini, who is somewhat new to Flagstaff and did not mind holding Teddy for me while I took photos.  We chatted while we marched and had a very good time.
    It has been wonderful to meet people as I travel and befriend them knowing that we may or may not see each other again.  It has happened time and time again everywhere I have gone, and I have absolutely loved getting to meet passionate and interesting people everywhere who have opened up to me and I to them. 

     Tomorrow I leave for southern Utah.  It is the first time I have not made reservations anywhere, and I truly am not sure where I am headed.  I will look at an Indian Lands map that a ranger at Tusayan Ruins showed me.  I am headed toward Escalante National Monument and Bears Ears.  This is a controversial area, so I will read up on it tonight. 
     May you all have a beautiful day tomorrow, and remember to look at the beauty around you. 

Changes Starting to Happen

     It is very interesting that I woke up to a wonderful text by someone I care about suggesting that I discuss changes, and as I ended my day today, one of my dearest friends texted me and said, "Something wonderful is happening to you; quickly your are changing." 
     Everything changes around us and new events happen to us at every moment of the day, yet we grow tense, fearful, and we resist.  I certainly know a lot about this.  As I said earlier in my posts, this is not a vacation, this is a path that chose me. Do I think we have no choices?  Of course we have choices.  But to find a deep and loving path that really works with our authentic selves, we need to spend time with ourselves and listen to our hearts, meditate, pray, and be OK to listen to the silence so that our higher selves can weigh in on our decisions. 
     Sedona has been magical in regard to this.  If you have never been here, the whole area has vortexes of energy, the landscape and rock formations are exquisite, and the people are real.  I am talking about the whole area.  I am not in Sedona, the town, but down in Cottonwood at The Dead Horse Ranch Campground.  I love it here...the whole area.  I have had amazing talks with an NYC opera singer I met at the dog park, a French man and his family with whom I ended up hiking for awhile who lived in Mansfield, TX, my birthplace. He gave me tips on meditating at a deeper level.  I met three wonderful ladies from Southern California at the end of the West Fork Trail. Two of them had PhD's in psychology and we talked about living in a multi- dimensional universe.  I met up with wolf advocates and got to spend personal time with rescued wolf dogs.  And I made friends with an artist and her mother (who I met on top of the vortex) who specializes in animal portraits.  I ended up buying a wonderful wolf drawing from her.
     My first day was spent getting the lay of the land and campground, and then I drove up to the Sedona Airport View.  Once parked, you can hike a little way to the top of one of the Vortexes.  As soon as I started hiking on the trail and getting nearer, I felt vibrations all through my body.  I am not kidding.  The energy was very strong, and it was real.  Teddy and I stayed up at the top for a good hour and a half with a number of other viewers to watch the sunset.  As soon as the sun started going down, Teddy sat stock still and watched with the rest of us.

Views From the Vortex

     The wolf conference was a true serendipity. I was so excited to spend a day listening to how Apex, a Wolf Protection and Advocacy program in Southern California, rescue abandoned and mistreated wolf dogs, I heard a panel discussion between wolf protectors and ranchers in Minnesota, watched a film called "Medicine Wolf", and I had the opportunity to get down on the grass with three beautiful wolf dogs.  The photo below shows two of the wolf dogs I had the joy of meeting.

The next day, I took the most beautiful hike I have ever taken before, and I have hiked a lot.  It is called the West Fork Trail and it is 11 miles north of Sedona.  The photos you see in the Arizona Calendars come from this trail.  I hiked for 5 hours that day, and it was glorious.  This happened to be Earth Day, so the parking line to get in was a bit of a wait, and there were a lot of people there.  But...it didn't matter to anyone, and the people I met all day long had smiles on their faces and a peace about them.  It felt like a true Earth Day. Nature really does heal, folks.
       Today was a day of relaxation from my long hike, some artwork, and a beautiful drive to Jerome, a nearby old mining town turned art town.  I leave the area tomorrow.

End of the Trail

So...going back to the idea of change...What is happening in my life in terms of change?
Well, mostly I am excited about not knowing what the next minute will bring.  That is absolutely brilliant! We don't have to know because we really never do anyway!!!!! That is all an illusion.  Change is going to happen, and it can either be a fantastic journey if we follow these changes with our hearts, or it can be a tug and a rip due to resistence.  I have done them both now, and I'll take the latter, thank you!  My only goal in life now, and this is huge for me so listen, is to keep on this path that the Universe has put me on and be the best that I can be.  That's it!  So, my job now is to simply "listen" and keep on following.  I get in my head sometimes and start planning, but that really is a joke, isn't it?  I'll keep you posted on where I end up next.

My Week of Letting Go and Just Being- Fool Hollow Lake in Show Low, AZ

          I did not plan to come here, to Show Low that is.  In fact, I had never heard of it.  But, the Arizona Sate Park reservation lady said there were no sites available in or around Sedona, and she said, "I have a real good feeling about this place for you." I took it for 7 nights right away.  The drive to Show Low was slow going because my camper was in tow and my truck is not very powerful.  I averaged about 50-55 miles an hour and listened to a wonderful book by Marianne Williamson called, "A Woman's Worth". I was without phone service for about 4 hours. (Thank you Dad for showing me how to change a tire. I didn't have too, but boy was I happy I know how!)  The road was way off the beaten path after Grants, NM.  It was a two lane highway and the terrain changed constantly.

     After red cliffs, dunes, and one desert town in four hours, I suddenly found myself in the White Mountains.  I had no idea there were mountains here.  They are just foothills, but there are pine trees, a beautiful lake, and the small town of Show Low.      

     The park ranger was so very right.  She had a sixth sense because it was a perfect getaway for me to rest, meditate, pray, read, walk, fish, and truly "be".  I have burned fears in a campfire, thrown rocks into the lake, seen 3 goose families on Easter Day, watched a four foot bull snake slithering in the grass, and enjoyed just being quiet.  I even made my first Toni's Campfire Tacos last night.  I was hoping fish, but it ended up being turkey (bought).

     I have loved reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, and I even made a Wild Woman Spirit Doll out of clay and drift wood. 

     Easter was lovely.  I walked about two and a half hours around the lake with Teddy and just observed families fishing and stopped to meditate on nature.

  It is time for me to move on tomorrow, but I will enjoy thinking about this place as the place I started to let go of fears and doubts and just be.  That's what life is about right. There is a plan....we just have to listen and let it happen.

Starting to "Be"

     It's amazing how many people say, when I tell them what I am doing, "Oh, how wonderful!  You are free!!!! What an adventure!"  You know though, it does not matter where we are or what we are doing, if our hearts and minds are not free, then we are not free.  It took me several days to even begin to start "being" as opposed to doing.  This is going to take awhile, unfortunately.  We live in a culture of doing...all the time. The minute I have spare time, my gears start to turn and try to figure out a list of what needs to be done or what I could possibly accomplish.  Now that I don't have a job, my planner side of me says, "well...what next...let's figure this out."  Or, what is the plan for the day.  Lauryn helped bring this to my attention during a campfire discussion, and I am so  grateful.

Tesuque Trail Hike with Lauryn

"Allowing" is probably the key word for a healthy life, but it is so hard to do.  Listening to that voice deep inside of us and sitting with it, as opposed to jumping to the next rock with flailing arms and unbalanced bodies, is the real key.

Sunset at the Light Institute

     After this campfire talk, I started to feel a bit more calm and let things happen.  Immediately, wonderful people and deep conversations started happening right and left.  Conversations with art dealers on Canyon Road, an afternoon with Marion, a colleague of mine from two decades ago, a wonderful chat with the couple who run the KOA who lived in Allen, TX for 23 years (the town next to McKinney), a day with a wonderful couple in Taos whom I met through a mutual friend, Wanda, a woman I met meditating at the Light Institute who lived in Houston and left her conventional life to follow her own spiritual quest... the list keeps going. 
     At this very moment, right now,  I am not terribly open, but that is at this very moment.  The key is to consistently work on that openness and give myself plenty of time to pause and be.  Nature is important for me.  After I leave Santa Fe in a couple of days, I know I need to recharge and be quiet for a little while and just "be" with myself.  But this first week of allowing people into my life has been wonderful, and the moments when I have taken the time to look at nature has been a start to that process.  I know I need more of that.  Not just looking at nature but also "being" in nature.  In reality, it is just "being" with my true self. 
     Here are some moments that I took the time to pause and enjoy.

Galisteo Sunset

Wonderful Visit With Marion

Taos High Desert and Mountain Views

Extreme Inspirations

     I wasn't able to write for a few days due to a lack of phone reception much less Wi-Fi down in the Palo Duro Canyon.  
     My first day of driving was pretty mindless....not how I wanted the first day of my trip to be.  It is amazing how plugged in we are.  I listened to CD's, talked to a few friends on the phone, texted, listened to a book on tape.  I felt like I did not give my mind a break.  Why do we do this? 
     It was so very beautiful when I arrived, however, and I was very happy to know that I could handle my camper down into the gorge and even happier to be able to trudge it back up yesterday. Bullet, my camper host was such a friendly face to see when I got there.  He helped me back my trailer in and gave me tips on hooking up and levelling my camper.  He did the same when I left, as well.  Accepting help is a lesson I am learning quickly in this new life.  I have so many things to learn, so a few shortcuts and understanding nods are truly welcome. 

     The next morning, after staying hunkered down in my camper for awhile and trying to get centered, I decided to venture out on a hike.  It was rainy and cold, but I was game.  It was so beautiful, and even though I am very out of shape due to months of no exercise, I walked for a good long way until a cold blast of wind and a dead silence in the gorge forced me to listen to my intuition.  I often ignore this part of myself, but something made me turn back.  Even Teddy seemed agitated.  By the time I got back, it was quite cold and windy.  I think the first lesson to learn in mindfulness is to trust our intuition...that little voice.  It was rainy, windy, and very cold all night long.

     The next day, I made my way to Santa Fe and felt much more in the groove.  It hit me that this is now my life.  This is not a vacation.  I really do not know what each day will bring nor who I will meet.  It was quite an exciting, not to mention a bit daunting, feeling.  Even Teddy is a little unsure how to navigate with not knowing what is next.  But isn't that how life really is anyway, even if we have it all planned out?

     Today I spent the day with my good friend and former student Lauryn.  She took me to a museum I had already been hoping to see.  The Meow Wolf Museum is not to be missed in Santa Fe.  It is impossible to really describe.  It is experiential to say the least, and the element of surprise is the best part.  It plays with one's sense of reality and shows the participators what is possible when you "break the rules" and allow creativity to explode.  In my mind, I kept thinking, "This is what I want my life to be... a creative exploration of the mind and out of the box experiences in the world around me."  As we get older, we forget how wonderful curiosity and wonder are.  I want to think and feel multi-dimensionally, and this museum inspired me to start exploring this at a much deeper level. One does not have to go far to experience this.  Just allowing beautiful things to happen and touching people deeply is a miracle in itself.  We limit ourselves so much.  Many of us do anyway. I feel so strongly that the world needs this kind of thinking right now.  This is where the spirit lies.  This was an incredible start to being inspired.  I have a long way to go to being mindful and quiet in my heart and head, but there is time.  Today was just fun!

THANKS FOR A WONDERFUL DAY, LAURYN!

Preparations and Final Thoughts

     I leave in just 6 hours.  I have said my goodbyes to many of those I love, I have made sure my car and camper are in ship shape, and I am feeling good physically and emotionally.  All of that feels wonderful because it all just came together in the last couple of days.  My body has been in pain for about 2 years because it is truly a barometer for my emotions.  I think that all bodies are if we just listen to them. My body is particularly vocal about these things.  I went to a party last night, however,   and when I left, I realized that my body actually felt pain free.  What a wonderful way to realize that I am now ready to move forward.  I feel calm and centered. 
     I want to thank so many wonderful friends who have been such a support to me.  You all know who you are, and I am truly grateful to you and for you.  What beacons of light a true friend can be.  I often think that people come into our lives as guides for when we cannot see clearly.  We don't always know why they have come...we just have to trust and listen.  I am just beginning to do this this last year and a half, it is a beautiful thing to experience.
     I had coffee with two such friends yesterday and we talked about deep and beautiful things... about things that truly matter.  They gave me this card which I simply must share. 

      I am packed now, but I will say that deciding on clothes for 2 months and many different climates and geological areas, is not easy.  A friend told me this morning, "Take half the amount of clothes and twice the amount of money."